You're a wizard, 'arry!

I have a girl as a computer desk. It's not many people can say that. Possibly Hugh Hefner can. Me and Hugh. Oh yeah.

I used my afternoon to help my computer desk buy a bike today. It was 250 dollars off, which is a good time. It looks very funky. It is robust. And in addition, it is the lightest bike in the universe. Seriously. It is like riding a flying broomstick. It may be the bicycle they used in ET. You can ride the bike for 10 dollars. We the management take no responsibility if you blow away in a high wind however.

Anyway, last night we went to The Chronicles of Riddick. There were some pretty graphics. Oh yes, pretty pretty pretty. Any faults that the movie may have had to make it not worth seeing were overcome by nice shots of funky looking spaceships. I am so a funky spaceship whore. I think every film should have funky spaceships. I'm sure funky spaceships would only have served to improve such films as Gone With The Wind and The Sound of Music. Maria could have strafed the Nazis from low orbit while singing "These are a few of my favourite things". That's what I'M talking about.

There were annoying things though, like jerky camera work and strobe lighting, and the fact that the baddies were called 'Necromongers', which is just silly, and made me giggle. They sound like they might be the bad guys from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, or possibly the arch enemies of Sports Billy. But still I thought the film was worth going to. I can't really emphasise enough - funky spaceships. Basically it turns out to be Conan the Barbarian in space, except that Vin Diesel is arguably a better actor than Arnold Schwarzenegger. And possibly a better governor, who knows. We should really elect Vin Diesel to office immediately and do some kind of comparison. While we're here, who the hell is called 'Vin'? I mean really.

Karen has gone to get the phone book to find out if anyone might actually be named 'Diesel' either...OK, we can report that there is no 'Diesel' family in Christchurch...or Ashburton, the Chatham Islands, or Cheviot. It seems reasonably likely that he just made up his name completely. It's OK to do this when you're a movie star, especially a big musclebound one. The Rock's real name, for example, is Dwayne Johnston. Somehow I suspect that his career wouldn't be quite where it is today if he was still called that...Dwayne Johnston as The Scorpion King! Actually what we need is a movie cast starring the ghosts of people's real names...an epic spectacular starring Dwayne, Maurice Mickelwhite and Marion Morrison, and featuring music by Reginald Dwight. I don't know what Vin Diesel's real name is. Possibly he changed it from John LPG. But I look forward to the funky spaceships of the inevitable third installment.

On Monday I had a first read through of the Threesome play I am in, 'Night of the Singing Dead'. It is mighty silly. But quite funny. I get to laugh manically a lot, among other things, and there are some amusing zombie songs, with easy to learn lyrics (Brains! Brains brains brains brains braaaaaaains...etc.) Adam the mad Polish guy, who many have met by now (you may remember his leather trousers) should also be funny as the evil Count Vladamir - another amusing song for him. And a conclusion worthy of Braindead, which it will be interesting to see how we stage...anyway, it should make for some fun over the next few weeks.

Right, two from two so far. The big post will come at some point...possibly tomorrow. I apologise if this one sucks, but quantity of posts is the idea of the exercise.

And anyway, what are you gonna do about it, punk?