Er, may I be excused? I've been turned into a cow.

I didn't actually say this today at the cavalcade of excitement that is WINZ Work Track, but I certainly thought it and giggled to myself (and anyone who has not seen The Emperor's New Groove should really hunt it down and give it a jolly good viewing, and laugh hard). You know, getting up in the morning sucks. I know there will be a (justifiable) chorus of 'get hard' on that one, but really I think that this is an area where the rest of the world needs to get soft. Yes.

So, I find myself in this super fun happy WINZ course. Interestingly, in a course really seriously designed to get people into jobs, or off the unemployment benefit anyway, (Got a job jet? No? How about now? No? Now? Now? Now? Really? What about now?) I already sort of find myself in the 'too hard' basket after a couple of days. Apart from talking about our hopes and dreams and fear of sharks and being killed in an earthquake (really) and doing a lot of horrible self-promotion exercises which really grate with me (evaluating your qualities: am I 'courteous' and, in addition, 'polite'? Should I tick 'funny' and 'humorous' and 'sense of humour'? Or am I one of those humorous types without a sense of humour?), we do occasionally get around to talking about jobs. The most important thing in today's class was naming two jobs that we would be prepared to do right now, the idea being that not only do we try and find ourselves one, but we keep an eye out for opportunities everyone else on the course too. Sort of like taking the difficulty of job hunting and multiplying it by 14. Anyway, I was asked to produce a couple of examples, so I thought about some vague things for a while and made some suggestions:

Me: Er, maybe a Sub-Editor, or a Copy Writer.

Judy the WINZ lady: Wow, those are hard jobs to get, and there aren't many in Christchurch.

Me: Er, no. (Oh no! Give her something more realistic sounding, quickly!) Um, I wouldn't mind working in a book shop...?

Judy the WINZ lady: What? You've got an M.A. You don't want to work in a book shop!

Me: Uh, yes. No dirty old book shop for me.

So there it is. I am simultaneously over-qualified and under-experienced. I live in the twilight zone of no jobs. Somewhat puzzled I think by my tricky classification (other class job goals: Kitchen Hand. Fashion Industry. Marine Fishing Management.), Judy packed me off to do the official WINZ version of one of those computer career quizzes, the kind of essential job finding tool you used at your high school careers office, in between them constantly telling you your fourth form subject choices would affect the rest of your working life. You know the kind, you answer 137 questions about your interests, shoe size, and favourite Backstreet Boy, and then it tells you you should become a paua farmer, or failing that, a tunnel support. Anyway, I did their little test, and it ended up telling me my best suited job was: 'Author', followed by 'Reviewer / Critic'.

This doesn't really sit well in the Work Track environment, what with the focus being on actual employment. There aren't a lot of ads in the paper of the "wanted: guy to write novel" type. So I'll be interested to see what they do with me tomorrow. Overhaul my CV at the very least, which might well be a good thing, as currently it probably includes things like '1988: Placed 3rd in Ilam Primary School 60M sprint final', the like of which (while all an important part of the rich tapestry that is me) is probably not so useful to a potential employer.

So this has at least got me thinking that maybe what with me being actually quite interesting in writing for a living, and with even WINZ virtually telling me I should be doing it, that I should perhaps be doing something about it. And the way to be a writer is to write. So, in a 'first foot forward' gesture, I'll attempt to blog every day for a week. Not much I know, and quite likely I might not even manage, but let's ignore the reality for a second and start skipping merrily down that well-paved road to hell.

This post must end more or less here however; for another reality I can't really ignore is that I have to catch a bus at 8 tomorrow, and I have a warm bed and warmer girlfriend waiting. Plus I need to leave some material for all these entries I'll be writing. But I shall be back tomorrow. Meantime, here's the trailer for the new Batman film for those who haven't seen it. Crikey, this film includes not only good old Michael Caine mind you, but Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman, Liam Neeson and Tom Wilkinson as well. A return to Batman movies with credibility? Surely not.

And behold the following cast list for The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (now also with a teaser on the net, but nothing too exciting): Martin Freeman, Mos Def, Zooey Deschanel, Bill Nighy, Sam Rockwell, Warwick Davis, John Malkovich. This is largely good. But wait I hear you say, who does Mos Def play? Answer: Ford Prefect.

Oh no. Oh no no no no no. If they play this in a "Ford Prefect, the wisecracking black American guy leads the bumbling English Arthur Dent around, and keeps saving his clueless Limey hide! It's comedy gold!" fashion, the UK may actually declare war on the US. It could happen. Follwing the Andrew Sullivan 'flypaper' theory, disgruntled Douglas Adams fans all round the world might head for Iraq and start planting roadside bombs. And who could blame them? I can only hope the film makers were aware that lives are at stake.

Right, back tomorrow.