Damnit

First things's first: you should all go and watch this. I suspect this film is going to seriously take the piss in a most amusing fashion. Oh yes.

You know, when you have to get up in the morning, there's really no time to do anything. You get up, you do the thing you have to do, and then it's 11:30pm, and you have to go to bed so you can get up to do the thing again. This continues for 50 years and then you die. What's with that? We need a new system.

Anyway, this is just a roundabout way of me making an excuse for what will probably be another relatively short post. Sadly I find myself starting this at 11:30 - actually, this in itself isn't so sad, but the whole "8 in the morning" makes it so. For on it goes. And let me tell you how I look forward to another super session of Work Track, oh yes. Today our instructor / taskmaster / jailer (whatever you want to call her) was actually snowed into her house up on the Cashmere hills, so we mostly sat on our arses doing absolutely nothing. "If it's like this tomorrow, don't show up" said another helpful instructor. Super, but could have used that info when it was useful at 8 o'clock this morning. Instead I hauled myself out of bed so I could sit in a classroom for 2 hours literally twiddling my thumbs. There was a brief respite from this when we were called in by supplemental instructor woman to watch the following video with her class (and I am not making this title up): All In Good Faith: The Employment Relations Act and You, presented by Stacey Daniels. Sure enough, there Stacey Daniels was up on the screen, obviously having fallen on hard times. I thought it likely she owed WINZ money myself and was doing them a favour. Anyway, watching the video went something like this:

Poor Actress: Wow! Today is exciting! I am starting my new career!

Fake Family of Poor Actress: Good luck honey! (parental chuckle)

(Scene change: resturant kitchen, interior)

Poor Actress: Wow! Look at my new workplace! There are people and things!

Poor Actor Playing the New Boss of Poor Actress: Indeed. Now get to work, lackey.

Poor Actress: Wait. Shouldn't I sign some kind of employment agreeement?

Poor Actor Playing the New Boss of Poor Actress: No, there's no need for any of that malarkey. Aside: Mwahahahaaaa! (He really should have twirled his pantomime villain moustache at this point, but sadly the budget of the film did not extend to a moustache.)

Poor Actress: (confused glance at camera) Thinks: I'm so confused! Help me, Stacey Daniels!

Stacey Daniels: Gee, this is a tricky situation. Let's pause the tape and discuss it amongst ourselves.

WINZ Lady: Ignore Stacey Daniels. There will be no discussion or tape-pausing.

Stacey Daniels, resuming immediately: Did you come up with any ideas about what Poor Actress should do?

Me, under my breath: She should go mad with an assault rifle.

Stacey Daniels: That's right, she should sign a contract when starting a new job! Let's hear from
an employment lawyer.

Employment Lawyer: Yeah, she should. But don't take my word for it; here's the Prime Minister.

Helen Clark: My government passed the Employment Relations Act; isn't it nifty? Also, I'd just like to remind all you unemployed people watching that if you don't vote for Labour in the next election, Don Brash will have you shot in the head and thrown into a ditch.

Stacey Daniels: Thanks PM, and cool lemon yellow blazer by the way. Now let's pause the tape, and discuss the pros and cons of being shot in the head and thrown into a ditch.

...and so on. Yes, it's a fun old time at Work Track all right. I have succeeded while there in overhauling my C.V to make it a lot better, I will say that for it. Also I will say huzzah to free Fruit Bursts and chocolate biscuits at the expense of the tax payer (my mother was outraged, or at least mock outraged, when she learned we bums were getting tea, lollies and biscuits). But fie! FIE, I say, to most other aspects of the course so far. Who knows, it may yet improve. Stacey Daniels may yet appear in person. But I'm not holding my breath.

Well with luck, tomorrow I won't spend all afternoon trying Doom 3 out, as I did today (verdict in brief: atmospheric, if fairly featureless gameplay wise), so the promised tales of the bus trip will hopefully yet emerge. For now though I'm already gonna get less than 8 hours sleep, so bed it is. Did I mention how getting up sucks? A recurring theme perhaps, but I really can't stress it sufficiently. Give me the tired of staying up late over the tired of getting up early every time.

Moan moan moan, whinge complain bitch etc.