A phone conversation

Me: Hello?

Mark: Hey Ben, Mark here.

Me: Hey.

Mark: Now, this might be the weirdest question I've ever asked you, but I rang you because you'll know, you're a literary genius.

Me: Ha, OK. (Expecting some weighty question on a serious tome of English literature)

Mark: OK, you know 'Asterix and the Golden Sickle'?

Me: Yup.

Mark: OK, you know how they have the traps in the forest?

Me: Er...yup, kinda.

Mark: You know, when they're wandering around looking for the secret place?

Me: Oh...yeah yeah.

Mark: OK, so what do they call those rocks that are two rocks standing up with another one on top?

Me: A dolmen.

Mark: THANK you! OK, see ya.

Me: Er, no worries. Bye.

(click)

Um, glad I could be of service? A fluke really, because as we all know, the Asterix series is by no means a masterpiece of English literature. It is in fact a masterpiece of French literature. Seriously though, I am beginning to take some pride in the reputation I seem to have to at least some degree acquired as a compendium of useless information. I am giving serious consideration to moving into a cave, maybe way up the top of a mountain, ideally at Delphi, so people can endure long hard journeys to seek me out, climb up to my sanctuary and ask "What else has that chick who was on Scrubs last night been in?". And I will look into their soul, and if I deem them worthy, provide them with Tara Reid's filmography.

Anyway, tonight as last night, I have sat in the lab for about 3 hours and just been in a headpsace that completely prevented thesis work. Not good. So I'm off to bed now at the unprecedentedly early hour of 1:30am so I can get up and make up for it during the day tomorrow, as I must. But I will pass on tonight's accidental internet discovery (I followed an ad from a review that was linked to an article that MC Caygill sent me via e-mail), which is that Emode, them of such internet tests as 'What's Your Inner Baked Good?' and 'Let Us Show You How Your Favourite Colour Defines You As a Person' seem to have rebranded themselves as 'Tickle'. I only mention this because anyone in need of an ego boost today should go sit their all new 'Phd formulated' IQ test, which seemed pretty damned easy to me. So much so in fact that according to them, Mark's kind and flattering statement of earlier this evening is literally true. It told me my IQ type was 'Visionary Philosopher', which surely sounds good on a CV. I quote:

"Like Plato, your exceptional math and verbal skills make you very adept at explaining things to others — and at anticipating and predicting patterns."

That's right people, my exceptional maths skills make me like Plato...ahem...shut up ,it's a valid comparison! For example, I have had HEAPS of platonic relationships, just like Plato himself must have done - I mean it follows! Mephistopheles is well known for his mephistophelian qualities, for example, and Machiavelli was seriously machiavellian.

Then, encouraged, I took The Super IQ test and it told me:

"The way you think about things makes you an Intuitive Investigator. This means you have multiple talents and can do anything you set your mind to. You're able to detect numerical patterns easily and are able to grasp the true complexity of the world, both in its details and in a more abstract form. You've got a sharp logical mind and are adept at using words to get even a difficult point across. The combination of all these things makes you truly brilliant."

I think I should be commanding more respect from you people, what with me being an Intuitively Visionary Investigative Philosopher. And I manage all that, mind you, despite the fact that I'm a Chimpanzee.

Anyway, worth a go if you want the self-esteem massage of someone telling you what a genius you are, so you'll give them 40 bucks for the 'comprehensive results'. Sure you will. And now I'm off to bed with a banana.