Traci Edmunds-Fergusson!!!!!!
Don't get me started on Traci Edmunds-Fergusson, my first and so far only girlfriend.
She was from Canada, you know. We exchanged engraved bracelets. We went to the Bush Inn when it was new and exciting. She gave me a Valentine's Day card (another first and only).
Drunk as a skunk? Not really. Possibly as drunk as some other small mammal. Drunk as a vole, perhaps.
Anyway.

7AM Addendum: (Sigh.)